Irreverent picture of the week. 

Steve Lipscomb's Open Letter to the Poker Community

Over the last week, there’s been a lot of debate in the poker community over a letter written by Steve Lipscomb, the founder of the World Poker Tour.

Lipscomb addressed his letter to the public at large, in order to address addressing several issues of concern, including a boycott of WPT events by Andy Bloch and Chris “Jesus” Ferguson. The letter is printed below. My comments follow the letter.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE POKER COMMUNITY FROM WPT FOUNDER, STEVEN LIPSCOMB
As I take stock of all the things we have to be thankful for in the holiday season, I find it appropriate and necessary to share some thoughts with the poker community at large. Firmly believing that people will, in the end, be judged by their actions, I have long made it a policy at the World Poker Tour to let our actions speak for themselves. The persistence of widely disseminated misinformation regarding a number of things has prompted me to break with that tradition today.

I want to first state that the relationship between the WPT and our players is one of paramount importance to us. Neither the WPT nor the players would be enjoying the extraordinary success we have seen over the last three years without each other. It is essential that we all respect and appreciate what the players, the WPT casinos and the WPT staff have brought to the table in creating this new world of poker. We truly value the relationship we continue to have with our players and see it as a two-way street. We encourage players to bring their concerns directly to us in the effort to ensure a healthy, positive and fruitful relationship and we will continue to attempt to address those issues as quickly as possible. To help facilitate communication, we are launching a "For Players Only" portion of our website early next year, designed to foster information exchange and dialogue directly with WPT players. Players should make sure we have current email information so we can send them a Players Only password.

That being said, I would like to focus on the issues that have caused unnecessary concern in order to help put them in perspective.

FILMING RELEASES
The latest hot button issue seems to be the filming release we require players to sign before they play in World Poker Tour events. The release we utilize is a standard filming release that all production companies must have signed by everyone they film - or the television broadcaster will refuse to air our material. Filming releases are always broadly drafted to protect against frivolous law suits. The language is clear. The production company can use all the footage it shoots and the person's image in all media.

But, the story does not end there. The World Poker Tour is a business. We value our relationship with WPT players and have always acted with great care and deference when using player images. The few players now trying to stir up controversy around player releases are lost in hypotheticals - not reality.

A perfect example occurred recently. Without my approval, a banner ad featuring three prominent players was used by a WPT affiliate to drive people to our online poker site. Within an hour of hearing about the ad, I had it removed - not because we were legally obligated to, but because the players asked us to-and we take their concerns seriously.
We have always acted this way as a matter of course. But, I am happy to go on record today to promise the poker community that we will always listen to a player who feels that he or she is uncomfortable with how we use their image. If we feel we can or should, we will modify or eliminate that use. And, if not, we will explain, to the best of our ability, why not. What I cannot do is subject WPTE to endless lawsuits by severely restricting the rights we obtain in our filming release. No credible production company could or would do so. And, it is in the interest of all poker players for the WPT to be focusing its efforts and resources on growing poker into one of the largest sports in the world - rather than defending an endless line of frivolous lawsuits.

I challenge the poker community to be very cautious about accepting misinformation without looking further. I am convinced that, if people take the time to investigate how the World Poker Tour has acted, they will agree that we should be commended as a company for the way we have handled this issue-and the way we listen and respond to players in general.

One more thing. The few players trying to make this a wedge issue want people to believe that players may lose endorsement opportunities because of signing WPT or ESPN film releases. Once again, this is not a real concern, but a remote hypothetical. You need to ask if any player has lost an endorsement deal because of WPT, ESPN, FOX, etc. filming releases. The answer is there are none. Players should always let potential sponsors know that they have signed the industry-standard, filming release that makes it possible for them to be on television - and therefore be of value to the sponsor. Sponsors and manufacturers deal with these circumstances all the time - on every television show from Survivor to Seinfeld. If you are lucky enough to have your television poker exposure make you a star worthy of endorsement contracts, the release will not impede that process.

And, finally, players who have played in any WPT events over the last three and a half years have already signed a release. That means that signing a release at the next hundred or a thousand WPT tournaments will have no effect of committing them any more than they are already committed.

THE WORLD POKER TOUR HAS YET TO TURN A PROFIT
Another rampant misunderstanding in the poker community is that the World Poker Tour or WPT Enterprises (WPTE) is making massive profits and is somehow the evil empire that refuses to spread the wealth. Nothing could be further from the truth. WPTE has been in business for four years and has yet to turn a profit. We continue to invest in what we believe will be the bright future of poker and the league that launched poker as a sport. And we, more than any institution in the business, have taken and continue to take steps to grow the poker world in general to benefit players and the broader community. Just a few examples:

• In our second season, we launched and funded the first player management company in history - not because we thought it would make us money, but because we wanted to foster relationships and build opportunities for players. We passed that organization on to Brian Balsbaugh who has managed to make meaningful sponsorship deals a reality for an ever-growing group of players.
  
• In Season III, we fulfilled the dream of many people in the poker community by launching and funding the first professional poker league in the history of the sport, giving $2.5 million dollars away prior to securing a broadcast deal. As many of you know, we have yet to receive any return of that investment.
  In 2004 we invited all poker players and the general public to become investors in the WPT at a very early stage - to give everyone an opportunity to benefit from our future growth.
  
• In Season IV, the WPT lobbied the Travel Channel on behalf of players and secured a change in the logo policy to allow pre-approved logos at WPT final tables.
  

In a broader sense, it is the World Poker Tour, its staff and casino partners that have made this poker boom possible. Every player that commentates on a rival TV show, every player that wins a million dollar first prize, every player that participates in or endorses an online poker room, every player that sits down in a packed poker room full of new players benefits from the World Poker Tour. Some people seem to forget that just three years ago you had to wait a year to get a shot at a million dollar first prize tournament. Poker rooms were being shut down across the country and industry leaders were holding conferences seeking ways to save a dying business. People forget that the biggest five and ten thousand dollar buy-in events had thirty to sixty people in them - not the six to nine hundred players you see today.

A LAND OF OPPORTUNITY
A tremendous land of opportunity has been created and opened to the poker community by the World Poker Tour and the other poker shows it has spawned. Poker rooms across the country are making money as they never imagined they could or would. Online poker has exploded from a two hundred million dollar market to a three billion dollar market by associating with the WPT and other television shows. And, whereas no one wanted to put regularly scheduled poker on television in the U.S. in 2001/2002, at least fifteen shows are currently airing in the U.S. - copying the WPT format.

There are a lot of people making money in the poker market today. Most of those opportunities did not exist prior to the World Poker Tour. The three founders of Party Gaming cashed out over a billion dollars from their business this year. Estimates are that Full Tilt Poker, owned and launched by A-list poker players, is making hundreds of thousands of dollars a day, millions of dollars a month. Poker players are being paid for appearances, they are endorsing products and poker sites and they are even beginning to crack the difficult layers of legitimate corporate sponsorship. Free-roll television shows totaling millions of dollars in prize money are being announced monthly and new poker interest shows are being produced as well.

THE WORLD POKER TOUR
The World Poker Tour is excited by all of this - and no one is happier than Lyle Berman or me when players do well and manage to cash in on the poker boom. But, with all the money being made, the poker community should be aware that the guy who put up millions of dollars to change the poker world - Mr. Lyle Berman - has, to date, not made a cent. He has never drawn a salary and, as of today, he and Lakes Entertainment have not sold one share of World Poker Tour stock. Their investment has appreciated, but I can not imagine that poker players or the poker community begrudge him that - any more than they would expect Party Gaming's investors or the Full Tilt players to redistribute their profits.
For my own part, all my compensation is a matter of public record. And, to quote the wife of one of our WPT Champions, "I've seen what you made to launch this business and no poker player would have done it for that. I wouldn't have done it." As to my stock in the company, I have sold less than twenty percent of my ownership and continue to believe and invest in the future growth of poker and the World Poker Tour.

WE ARE AN OPEN BOOK, PLEASE COME READ US
As a public company, all of this information is easily assessable on any search engine: YAHOO! Finance, CNN Business, Motley Fool, MSNBC, etc. I encourage members of the poker community to look at our company information. Under the watchful eye of the Securities and Exchange Commission, we report how much money the company makes, how much it spends, how much executives are paid and even how much stock, if any, those executives sell. Lyle can attest to the fact that we have yet to turn a profit. He made a $10,000 bet with another poker player when the World Poker Tour began that the company would turn a profit sometime in the first five years. To date, he has not been able to collect on that bet.

THE WPT AND THE POKER COMMUNITY
I guess I would like to ask the poker community in general and the poker player community in particular to help us keep focused on the task at hand - which is to grow poker into the largest global sports phenomenon in history. I ask that you judge us by what we do and look beyond rumor. Seek the truth; don't just accept misinformation as gospel. While individual players may have their own motivation for spreading misinformation about the WPT or anyone else in our community, keep an open mind and look for the reality. Everyone has his/her own agenda and we are no exception to that rule. But, our incentives tend to align with the growth of poker as a sport that will continue to bring benefit to everyone in the community.
I appreciate your taking time to digest these thoughts. Together we have managed to change the face of poker forever. Together we have managed to dispel the perception that poker could never be a sport. We look forward to working together in 2006 to find new ways that we can grow the poker world together. And, on behalf of Lyle, Robyn and everyone at the World Poker Tour, we wish a safe and joyous holiday season to you and yours. We truly feel blessed to be a part of this exciting time in poker.
Regards,
Steve

LOU KRIEGER’S COMMENTS

Standard Releases: I’m not in the TV business so I don’t know whether there are “standard releases” or not. My gut feel is that those offering the releases would like them to be “standardized,” but like everything else in contractual relationships, they’re negotiable.

The players are operating from the perspective that in a business relationship the WPT and Steve Lipscomb are not one and the same. In the future, Lipscomb might not be associated with the World Poker Tour and there is no guarantee that his successor would attempt to act in the best interests of the players, as Steve claims he is doing now. Someone else in a position of power might interpret the “standard release” in quite a different light, and when one signs his or her name to an agreement, the boycotting players realize that the agreement is with a corporate entity, not an individual.

The World Poker Tour’s Profits: The question of whether the world poker tour has yet to turn a profit is not really the issue here at all. The WPT has risen to a position where it has value that’s quite measurable, and that’s without regard to any profit they may show at the end of a fiscal year.

A Land of Opportunity: Has the WPT led to unprecedented opportunity for poker players? Of course it has. Many of the players who are now household names would be recognizable only within the very insular world of other poker players if the WPT had not come along and turned poker into watchable TV programming. Their creativity and their pioneering use of available technology such as lipstick cameras and significantly upgraded production values, forced others poker programming providers to compete at their quality level or run the risk of falling by the wayside.

Having said that, the fact remains that many players are now media stars and it doesn’t really matter how they achieved their measure of fame. If the WPT “created” their celebrity status, surely the WPT benefitted from this creation too, since people now tune in to watch their favorite players as well as the poker competition itself. Creating a celebrity does not mean that the WPT “owns” them forever.

Should the players be grateful to the WPT for what they have done in helping mainstream poker? I think so. But my view really doesn't matter. This is a decision each and every WPT player has to make for himself. This is simply the machinations of an economic universe at work, and just like a televised poker event, we get to see it all take place.

Are the players planning to continue their boycott bluffing or not? Will the WPT hold to their position that releases are “standard?”

Quien sabe? What I do know is that this is a poker game on a grand scale, and in some ways it’s much more exciting to watch than the episodes shown on television.

Lou Krieger

Is Poker on the Decline?

Naysayers have been saying that poker wouldn't last since the boom began in 2003. But poker is still hanging strong, and the phenomenon is world-wide.

But based on waning interest in poker merchandise, TV programming, and poker stocks, Reuters is convinced the landscape is changing. But I’m not buying Reuters’ analysis at all. In my opinion, it’s the market that’s changed, not the worldwide interest in poker. In 2004 stores were caught by surprise and didn’t have enough poker merchandise to satisfy potential buyers. Fast-forward to 2005 and retailers overcompensated, in much the same way as TV production companies reacted to the poker phenomenon. They oversaturated the market with a lot of poker programming, some of which was appallingly poor and was saddled with weak production values to boot,

While ratings for poker TV are on the decline, that’s to be expected. The poker-viewing audience is now spread over far too many programs. TV excels at copycat programming. They are masters at repeating a successful format until it topples over of its own dead weight. I’m of the opinion that it’s over saturation and some poor program quality that’s contributing to a decline in poker viewers, which does not equate to a lessening of interest in poker itself.
Reuters opined that investments in online poker companies suffer because of legality issues in the U.S. Yet the evidence doesn’t support that. In fact, PartyGaming, the largest online poker company in the world, finally surpassed its float price last month. They also announced that that annual profits will exceed expectations.

Although legality issues do cast a cloud on online poker sites, they grow less relevant with each additional person who plays poker online. As a keen observer of the poker scene, I don’t think online poker figures to become a priority for law enforcement anytime in the near future, especially when law enforcement professionals cannot tell you with any certainty whether playing poker itself is illegal, or whether the issue is restricted only to those who provide and offering games.

And if that’s not enough, there are no questions at all about legality in the markets where online poker stocks are publicly traded. Anyone in the UK — more precisely, anyone with a brokerage account in jurisdictions where there are no clouds of doubt surrounding online poker, and that’s a lot of the world — can simply phone their broker and to buy a few shares of their favorite poker stock.

Where poker itself is concerned, I’m betting on the come.

Is Poker the New Bingo?

Bingo has historically been a way for smaller, local charities in need of funding to raise money. With most small non-profits run on tight budgets, volunteers have historically staffed charity bingo games — where they serve as organizers, callers, and cashiers. But the past few years has been marked by a gradual decline in bingo proceeds.

Articles in newspapers across the country point to the decline in bingo as stemming from an aging population, and a slow-paced game that’s not attractive to younger people. But while bingo-based revenues have dropped dramatically, many charities are capitalizing on poker’s incredible popularity and have decided they’d rather switch than fight.

Not-for-profit organizations are switching from bingo nights to poker fundraisers in ever increasing numbers and the charities they serve are the beneficiaries of America’s growing romance with Texas hold’em. Charity fundraising is as market-driven as any business and charities are finding poker nights to be crowd-pleasers as well as extremely profitable.

One reason for the popularity of poker nights as charity fundraisers is poker’s popularity on television. Another reason is that people are more attracted to games in which skill plays a major role — as it does in poker — than they are to a game like bingo, which depends completely on luck.

Poker is where the money is and a younger, poker-playing population is more apt to spend greater sums on tournament buy-ins and entry fees than they are on bingo cards. Because of this, poker prize pools are larger than bingo jackpots, and the charities that raise funds by sponsoring poker tournaments benefit far more than they do from bingo.

While bingo isn’t dead yet, it does seem that poker’s popularity is benefiting players and charities in ways bingo operators could never have imagined even a few short years ago.

Securities and Exchange Commission Investigates Doyle Brunsons's Offer to Buy World Poker Tour

Was Brunson's Offer to Buy World Poker Tour Just a "Pump and Dump" Scheme?
The Securities and Exchange Commission is investigating whether a $700 million bid from an investment group headed by Doyle Brunson violated anti-fraud laws. The group’s offer represented a 100 per cent premium over World Poker Tour Enterprises market value.

Shares Rose; Then They Fell
Shares in WPTE, parent of the World Poker Tour television series, rose more than 50 per cent when the offer was disclosed in July, only to fall when the bid expired a few days later. WPTE could not substantiate the offer, saying Doyle Brunson and Goodman & Chesnoff, the Las Vegas law firm representing him, had ended communication. According to the Securities and Exchange Commission, "Publication of this offer, widely covered in the media, triggered a steep rise in WPT's stock price on record trading volume."

Can the SEC Enforce Their Subpoenas and Set Aside Attorney-Client Privilege on Legas Grounds?
The SEC is trying to enforce subpoenas issued to Goodman & Chesnoff attorneys David Chesnoff and Chaka Henry to hand over documents and testimony, according to documents filed this week in federal court in Texas. The SEC is seeking to set aside attorney-client privilege on legal grounds. A WPTE spokesperson said the company would co-operate fully with the investigation.

Brunson Invokes Fifth; Asks Attorneys to Withhold Documents
Doyle Brunson has invoked his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination and declined to testify in the investigation. He invoked the attorney-client privilege and asked the Goodman & Chesnoff attorneys to withhold documents related to the offer.

WSOP Freeroll for Main Event -- Tomorrow Nite

BELIZE CITY, Belize, Dec. 15, 2005 (PRIMEZONE) -- Royal Vegas Poker (www.royalvegaspoker.com), announced a one time only freeroll for a seat to the 2006 World Series of Poker (WSOP) Main Event, the world's biggest land-based tournament. On Saturday, December 17, at 9:30 p.m. EST, Royal Vegas will end 2005 by awarding the first of many seats to the 2006 championship in a massive freeroll for all registered players.

Up to 10,000 players can enter this event for a chance to be flown to Las Vegas to participate in poker's most esteemed tournament. The prize package, valued at $12,500, includes airfare and deluxe accommodations, as well as the $10,000 buy-in to the tournament. Places 2 through 10 in the freeroll will share a prize pool of $2,500, ensuring that no one will leave the final table empty-handed.

A $10 Million Buy-in Tournament in Melbourne

The stakes keep getting higher. If you thought the World Series of Poker's main event, with its $10,000 buy-in was a lot of money, how would you like to pony up 1,000 times that amount as a tournament entry fee? That's a $10,000,000 entry fee, in case you didn't do the math. Well, if that's always been your hidden desire, now you can.

Melbourne's Crown Casino announced Tuesday that it will host the world's richest poker tournament next year - a winner-take-all battle for $60 million.

Six of the world's best card players will compete in the series of elimination matches in July, said the Crown Casino, controlled by the family of Australia's richest man and big-time gambler Kerry Packer.

The players will have to ante-up $10 million to buy into the match, due to be televised around the world through the Fox Sports Network in the United States and other networks in Europe and Asia, Crown chief operating officer Richard Longhurst said.

$100,000 Buy-in Poker is Coming to TV

An interesting option for the poker-watching public is High Stakes Poker, set to air on the Game Show Network Monday, January 16 at 9:00 PM EST/PST. Unlike televised poker tournaments shows where all players can lose is their initial buy-in, those competing on High Stakes Poker will have millions of their own cash at risk.

World class players will be joined by elite poker playing businessmen in the 13-episode series recently taped at the Golden Nugget Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. The line up of recognizable poker luminaries includes Doyle Brunson, Johnny Chan, Barry Greenstein, Phil Hellmuth, Daniel Negreanu, Jennifer Harman, Ted Forrest, Todd Brunson, Freddy Deeb, Mimi Tran, and Sam Farha.

Players may continue to buy in if they lose their initial $100,000 playing stake. The chips on the table represent actual dollars compared to chips in a tournament that don’t equal the actual value of what is bet.

“This is what makes it exciting,” said Henry Orenstein, the series’ executive producer. “For the first time in the history of poker on television, viewers will see players playing with very large amounts of their own money.” In addition to the play at the tables, High Stakes Poker also features behind the scenes footage on the poker players and their lifestyles.

Big time blackjack

If you're a blackjack player, or just someone who is enthralled by players who can win at the cat-and-mouse game that modern blackjack has become, you're gonna love the piece in the upcoming issue of Midwest Gaming and Travel. Their January issue features an exclusive article, "The MIT Team’s $500,000 Weekend" by Mike Aponte that recounts the events, anxiety, and subsequent exhilaration of the MIT Blackjack Team during a landmark weekend.

The team’s exploits, as chronicled in the best-selling book "Bringing Down the House", two television documentaries, and Kevin Spacey’s upcoming movie, are based primarily on the recollections of a single team member.

Aponte, a member of the world-famous team, provides his own reminiscences and insight in this exclusive article. Blackjack aficionados also know "MIT Mike" as the 2004 World Series of Blackjack Champion.

To Call or Not To Call When You Think He's Bluffing

This question was asked of me by a player on Poker Analysis Forum, and it’s such a good question I thought I’d post it here, for all to see. The reader asks: “This happens a lot to me in limit. You have been betting the whole way with the best hand. Your opponent bets the river when the draw comes in. By now the pot usually has at least 7-8 big bets, or more, in it and even though you suspect your beaten, should you just pay it off so that you don’t look like you can be easily bluffed, or is better to save that bet?”

This is a great question, but it's one that doesn't have a single answer other than the fact that you have to know your opponents. If you're playing against someone who hasn't bluffed since Clinton was in the White House, just fold your hand when he bets in these situations and let it go at that. But if you're up against a habitual bluffer, you'll have to call.

It's the hands you play against opponents who sometimes bluff and sometimes don't that are tough. If there are eight big bets in a pot, you only have to pick off a bluff once in every eight attempts to make calling the best play, so you should lean toward calling rather than folding.

If you call a bet and lose, it will cost one more bet than you would have lost if you simply folded. But if you fold and lose a pot you would have won, the cost is huge. It’s eight big bets, and if you win at the rate of one big bet per hour it will take you one full day of playing to recoup the loss from this decision.

So err on the side of calling, but do not call each and every time. If you were to do that, savvy players would never try to bluff you. Instead, they’d bet for value with every decent hand they held. If you can get an accurate read on how often your opponents are likely to bluff, then you’ll be able to employ a strategy that gives you the best possible edge.

Knowing your opponents and understanding how they tend to play in various situations is the key to deciding whether to call, fold, or even raise. It’s a lot better than guessing, or simply calling because that’s the side you should err on when you know nothing about an opponent and he bets into you when a draw appears to be made.

Irreverent Picture of the Week, sent to me by Barbara Enright 

The Celebrity Factor

I'm off to play in another celebrity poker tournament today. It's the Inaugural Alamopoker.com Celebrity Poker Tournament at Casino Morongo to benefit cystic fibrosis. This is my second celebrity poker event in as many months, after never having played in a celebrity event anytime before in my life.

So maybe I'm having my Warholian 15 minutes of fame, and if I'm a celebrity at any level at all, I'm happy at this one. I do get recognized in card rooms and casinos and people come up to me all the time to talk poker. I enjoy it. It's fun, and chatting with people who have read my books and magazine articles is fulfilling, and an ego boost too.

But so far the level of celebrity has not jumped the fence from poker into the rest of my life. Only once has someone that I never met before approached me outside of a poker room. That happened a few months ago when I was having lunch with my wife in a restaurant. A guy who was leaving the restaurant, stopped, looked at me, then walked over and asked if I was Lou Krieger. When I told him I was, he said he liked my books and articles and went on his way.

I've never had the kind of fame that pop stars have, and I'm 100 percent sure I wouldn't enjoy that kind of fame. The idea of never being able to go anywhere anonymously is too weighty a cross to bear. I enjoy being invisible, observing, watching the world go by, and not being the subject of furtive stares and whispers. I think it's endemic to most writers. The need to be invisible, to look, record, report, and be introspective about things at least some of the time seems to come with the territory.

And yet I love life's stage. I enjoy people. I like getting up and speaking in front of small groups and large groups too, where I'm seldom at a loss for something to say. So there's part of me that's very outgoing and another side that's hiding away and wishing for invisibility.

So today and tomorrow I'll play poker, have a good time, be a "celebrity" at this event. Though it's only 25 miles from my house, I've yet to play poker at Casino Morongo since they remodeled and added a big highrise hotel to their property. From what I've heard, the games are good, but to get there I have to drive right by Agua Caliente Casino, and that's only five miles from home.

If you're going to be at Morongo today or tomorrow, come on over and introduce yourself. Or even if you see me outside of a poker room, stop by and say hello. I still have enough of an invisibility factor that it won't drive me over the edge. I promise.

Laws of the Natural Universe

The laws of the natural universe: These came to me courtesy of local radio personality V.J. Hume. I got a kick out of them, so I thought I'd sahre them with anyone who shows up here.

• Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
  
• Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
  
• Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
  
• Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
  
• Variation Law: If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
  
• Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
  
• Law of Lines: When you walk IN the grocery store, there's never anyone in the checkout line.
• Inverse Hair Dryer Law: You're sure you hear the phone ringing in the background, until you turn the hair dryer off.
  
• Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
  
• Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
  
• Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
  
• Theater Law: At any theater, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.
  
• Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
  
• Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
  
• Law of Natural Attraction: If you and your date are the only two on a five-mile stretch of beach, a family of five will set up right next to you.
  
• Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly related to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
  
• Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
  
• Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.